The Best Fight of My Life
I tend to avoid conflict but, when I got into my first fight back in my college days, it was a TKO...Yup, she totally knocked me out.
I’m not a fighter. I hate controversy and I tend to avoid conflict. But, when I got into my first fight back in my college days…it was a TKO. Yup, she totally knocked me out.
My two roommates and I – we’ll call them Toni and Maya for the sake of this story, were getting ready for a fraternity party thrown by one of our friends. Toni, Maya and I lived in a three-bedroom, two bathroom apartment in East Atlanta (cues Guccimane). Like many college students, we had pregaming down to a science. We all pitched in to make tacos at home and paired it with the best pre-game drink to have ever lived…Four Loko! The watermelon flavor was our favorite. For those unfamiliar, Four Loko was death in a 23.5 oz can, 14% proof of premium malt liqueur. That’s guaranteed inebriation, sold at your local convenience store and gas station, for the discounted cost of $2.50. One of the greatest parts about Four Loko is I didn’t have to play a game of Russian Roulette with the cashier when I presented my “California” license despite its crooked laminated overlay peeling off the borders.
Toni was typically our designated driver. She was assertive and was a natural leader. So, she drove us to the party. We didn’t question her and we opted to pitch in for gas. Maya was great with directions and known to be reasonably responsible, so she rode in the passenger seat. Then, there was me. I was responsible…kind of. One of my greatest talents, especially during my college days, was that I was the best hypewoman and wingwoman for my girls. And I could always go with the flow. Sometimes that flow went a little too deep and far, but nonetheless I was that friend you called when you needed a partner to do something without question. So, I rode in the backseat holding down the fort. Toni was already frustrated, she thought Maya and I were taking too long to get ready, we finished our Four Lokos much faster than her so we were already foolishly drunk.
After arriving at the party, Maya and I made our rounds, taken away by the playlist and danced around the house. Toni, on the other hand, ran into a guy — a ‘frat’ boy (rolls eyes), who had been courting her for quite some time. She never paid him attention until tonight where we each had not one, but two, cans of Four Loko. She was anxious to bring him home, and he was more than excited to come to our home.
Maya and I were not excited at all by the prospect of someone else coming into our home, especially because Toni was insistent about leaving the party far before Maya and I were ready to make our way home. Toni was successful with getting things to go her way, and so Maya and I found ourselves riding in the backseat of the car, as we stared at the back of the heads of Toni and her frat boy “date.”
When we got back to our apartment, Toni had demanded that we give her and her date some private space. In our apartment, there wasn’t a lot of opportunity for private space given that there was a shared bathroom between two of the bedrooms and the living room and kitchen was our typical hangout space especially after releasing loads of endorphins from the party. Sadly, we were still ready to release more and Maya refused to move anywhere.
“What you’re not gonna do is kick me out of my own damn house!” Maya yelled.
And like the hypewoman I was - I chimed in loud and drunk, “Right! Why are y’all here?! Go back to his house.”
Toni rolled her eyes and sat her happy derriere right on our couch, next to her frat boy.
I was feeling extremely courageous that night. So, I stormed towards Toni - each step heavier than the last. Two steps away from Toni, I clenched my fist, pulled my arm back and released my fist towards her face.
The hit wasn’t as hard as I envisioned it would be in my head.
Now, given this was my first fight, the only real reference I had of fighting were moments in movie scenes, and glimpses of kids fighting when I was in middle and high school. But, despite my lack of experience, I just knew that first hit would knock her to the ground. It did not.
So, in a fight – you can’t just have one epic hit. You have to keep going and since I didn’t plan my next move, her fist smashed my face - first on my right cheek, then on my left cheek, and then right above my lip just scraping my nose. I tried to keep up with the pace, but miserably failed. Thankfully, there is no footage of that moment.
Eventually, Toni’s frat boy and Maya broke up the fight. Even though neither of us walked away with bruises, it was a clear victory. Just not my victory.
While that moment caused a temporary friction in my friendship with Toni (i.e., 2 days of not speaking), it changed the course of our relationship and allowed us to break a barrier that has become the foundation for what I now consider a lifelong friendship and sisterhood.
I felt accomplished. I stood my ground. And, that influenced healthy boundaries between us, one of those boundaries being to avoid conflict while inebriated and most importantly, don’t get that inebriated!
One of my biggest life lessons that I’ve learned in my adulthood is to embrace conflict. As a defense mechanism and survival tactic, I’ve always defaulted to treading lightly, not rocking the boat and keeping the peace. Though, in order for things to change, discomfort and tension have to exist in order to turn the dial for a new reality. It’s a natural cycle of conflict: tension builds, a provoking event takes place, someone reaches their breaking point, then resists, a fight ensues, the fight stops and clears the road for change.
So, for my “people pleasers,” I encourage the natural conflict that comes and trust that all the discomfort will birth a renewed reality.
Compelling read! Enjoyed it.